It's August already..

I just can't believe it. This year is flying by faster than any other year, it feels. Today marks the day 2 years ago that Mike and I broke up, and tomorrow marks the day a year ago that he saw Griffin for the first time.. and also the day he turned his back on him and walked away. And also the day I met Mike 5 years ago. August seems to always be a big month. It was the month, 6 years ago, that I left my husband and made the move to Pennsylvania with Riley at 15 months old.

This year is different though.. this year Riley is starting the 2nd grade and I am starting Nursing school. Griffin will be 18 months old (i can't believe we're here already).. and I finally feel as though I am moving on from Mike and my past with him. That I've let it go.

Last week, and my last blog, I wrote about how I didn't think I could let go. And now, sitting here, I feel like that was the last bit of string that was holding me. That writing that laid it all out there and I was able to see through myself and cut off what I was holding onto.. and I'm able to let go. It doesn't hurt anymore. And I finally feel as though I can move on. Not that this is the end of that road.. just that I am finally walking away and I've stopped looking back.

So, this past Thursday I went out with Peter. We went and saw Crazy, Stupid, Love with Steve Carell. And it was really fun. Great movie, btw, but going with him was a great move for me. It was comfortable and we are able to laugh together and at each other. Of course there's a nervousness, being the first date and all.. but after a few moments, it just kinda melted away.

After the movie, my boys were still awake, so I went home and put them to bed, made sure they were tucked in for the night and Peter and I went for a walk around the block. It was a little chilly and I didn't bring a jacket, so we walked close and talked. He teased me about taking him to some dark alley and just laughed together. The night was really clear, and where I live you can really see the stars.. and they were really putting on a show that night, cause it was beautiful. And I thought, this is how it's supposed to be. Comfortable, talking and laughing, and just enjoying the other person.

It wasn't ever like that with Mike. It wasn't ever that comfortable, or that happy and I start to wonder what I ever saw in him. Sure we were playful sometimes, but we were too different.

So when the date was over, I go into my house and I just smile. Cause it was just a good time. The way it's supposed to feel. Completely different than dates with Mike. I know what Peter is thinking and I know he was enjoying my company just as much as I was with him. I know you're not supposed to compare, everybody is different and fits together a different way.. but I can't help but compare and feel like I came out on the greener side of fence. Because my future can be full of laughter and joy... and all of the pain and uncertainty and lack of trust for someone in my past... is just where that's going to stay.. in my past. I wasn't sure before that if I would be able to move on and really let go of my past, but now I know there are people out there that fit me better than he did, that there's someone out there for me. It may be Peter, it may not be Peter.. but at least there's evidence of someone who's single and that makes me laugh.. and that is definitely something to smile about.

Today I'm thankful for a new day. A brighter future ahead of me. And a reason, other than my children, to look forward to tomorrow, and stop looking over my shoulder to what I've left behind.