I wish I had an Easy Button...

You know that Staples commercial where they have the red Easy button that makes everything just happen exactly right? Well today I need a *do-over* button for this morning. 

It's rough being a Mom. It's hard and tough and sacrificial. I wish sometimes I could just do everything for him and make things a little easier! Riley didn't do his homework this week. Half my fault because I didn't remind him, and half his because he knew he had it, and I was caught up in his birthday this week.

Well, this morning I remembered he hadn't done it. I got him up early this morning to get ready so I could take the babies for a morning walk because they wouldn't be settled and kept crying at the door, mostly Griffin because let's face it.. he wants what he wants. He's 1. 

So I figured a walk would be good for them. Riley was sleeping and I got his clothes ready and laid them out and woke him up. I walked the boys up and down the street, Griffin won't stop trying to go INTO the street, and so we go back home. As I'm coming in, I set Griffin in the house and turn to get Theo out of the stroller, I pulled the door almost closed, I should've just closed it. Well Griffin pulled it open and Molly (our yorkie) ran out the door and darted across the street to find my Mom who was also out for a walk with my sister, Jen. Well, I come in and tell my Dad, Molly ran off! 

What to do, what to do. I come in and get the boys inside, make sure Riley is getting dressed. Three minutes later Mom comes in and I assume Molly caught up with her. Nope! I get yelled at for not leaving the boys and running after her. *Sigh* Okay, like I could keep up with that dog.

I come in, it's 7:45am, I remember Riley's homework and call him down to do it, he's got his clothes on and is 98% ready for school. Already it's a fight. Just asking him to do his homework, it's a fight. "I don't want too.." "I don't know how.." "I can't read.." ... Oh.. em.. Gee... Please let me not rip my hair out!! 

I yelled. I hate yelling, but he knows he needs to do it. Where is my patience this morning?? Mom Fail #1 

He then starts whining more and not wanting to do anything. He's supposed to write a story and then draw a picture about it using 5 of the words given. Obviously this should've been done on Monday cause it was way too much work for a morning. Mom Fail #2.

I tell him a story he can use, something simple and direct and easy. "Today, the lamp jumped off the desk and turned into a blimp. It floated up to the sky and bumped into the sun! And then floated back down." Easy. He wouldn't do it. He wrote some sentence of 5 words he put together that made no sense... Where is my Patience?? He's 7. He's 7. I have him write his story, make his picture... he's still not going to finish his homework. He's ill prepared for school. Mom Fail#3... 

Where's my "strike 3 you're Out! " Bench me. Somebody put a fork in me, I'm done.. 

Where's my do-over button? It's not even 9am.

The hard part about being a Mom is remember that this little person you created IS a person. They have feelings and their feelings are tender. They have thoughts and ideas and they are not just little pod people you can tell what to do. 

To those of you that don't have children, this concept may seem like it should come easy. But it doesn't. These little people started out as a tiny person with only one mode of communication. You teach them how to speak, think for themselves, walk by them selves, make their own choices, and be a person! The problem is when they BECOME a person and you no longer control them. They have their own voice. And they LOVE to speak it. 

It's a strange thing being a parent. Raising up these little beings. They need you so much and yet they want to be so self sufficient. Where's the line? When do you let do it themselves and let them make their own mistakes? When do they start learning from their mistakes? I don't know yet. He's just turned 7 and it feels like he should know so much already, but he's still learning. And it's my job to remember that he still needs to be loved and comforted and told what to do... in a loving way. He needs structure. If he doesn't then he can't become a whole person because he won't know boundaries. 

Oh to be a Mother! It seems like you should know what to do all the time. That a manual should be uploaded into your mind every answer that will come with being a parent.

But there's not. There's no manual, no booklet. There no *how to be the perfect parent- For Dummies* .. I wish there was. I would buy it. Read it cover to cover. 

I could write about this forever. I've had enough Mom Fails to last a life time.. and yet I keep making them. It's hard not too! And it's okay to admit that. I make mistakes. I'm not perfect, I will never be perfect, but I'm all he's got. I'm all Griffins got. I am the only one who can show them the way, and that is my responsibility. If I don't try and make mistakes and start NEW every day, they will never make it. 

Sure they'll grow and become men, but what kind of men will they be without guidance? With out structure and boundaries and someone there to teach them right and wrong..? 

That's where I come in. I brought them into this world. I had help in that, I guess, but no help after. No fathers. But their "fathers" are not men I would want them to be. It's amazing what happens to a man when he realizes he's going to become a father.. it's like they swallow a *jerk pill* and now all of a sudden... they can't handle this. Sure I'll have sex! Oh wait.. that could make a baby? Say what? No no... I didn't do that.. you're carrying it.. that's YOUR baby. 

Okay. I'll do it. I'll raise them and make them into better men then you. Because that's on me. I am the woman, I carry and nurture the baby. Now it's all on me. Should it be that way? No! But what's better? Staying with a man who really didn't want to be a Daddy? And let my kids take the brunt of that selfishness? Or let their Fathers leave and do as they please, and give them all of my love and be Mom and Dad. Sure they feel the void. But will they feel the constant rejection to their face? No. No they wont. 

I love my boys, and yes I'm going to make mistakes in raising them, every parents does. I may make more then some, less then others, but it's only me. I have to make all the decisions and hope they turn out alright. Hope my love is enough and they don't resent me for not having Dad's. I tried. really i did, to get them to shape up.. but you can't make a man be a Daddy.

Anybody can birth a child.. but its a decision EVERY SINGLE DAY to be a Parent, and a good one at that. Good kids don't just happen, someone has to be there to teach them, and hold them close. 

It's a decision I make every day. And one day, I hope my boys represent me and show the world they were raised well into good men who become the amazing men, husbands and Daddy's that their own fathers were obviously not raised to be..